Hi, i’m christie may.

For years, I was stuck following the advice I would typically get after a doctor’s visit — eat well, exercise, drink water, take supplements, take medications— it didn’t work.

And when it ‘did’ work, the band aid of relief was very short lived.

Most of the time, my symptoms would get worse after an appointment. The medical system couldn’t explain why this was happening, nor offer an alternative, sustainable solution.

“Well, if you’ve following the advice I’ve given you, this shouldn’t be happening” is what they would say.

It was so frustrating.

I was exhausted. I felt defeated. I felt incredibly angry and resentful, too.

I needed help, and I wasn’t getting it in the way my body needed.

Growing up, I would experience pneumonia and bronchitis regularly. I had shingles 3 times before I turned 10!

I spent years thereafter going to doctor appointments, endocrinologists, dermatologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, emergency medicine physicians, etc…

Life first became a series of doctor appointments where I would wait weeks & months to be seen. Once the appointment date arrived, I would have 30 minutes to somehow give them a rundown of everything I was experiencing symptom wise, my medical history, and my current lifestyle. That means the doctors would have 30 minutes to summarize all of me, make a diagnosis, prescribe a medication and ‘wellness’ plan, and out the door I was (don’t get me wrong, there are AMAZING docs, specialists, etc out there!).

Great.

Prescribed another medication, given another plan, told to follow the food chart, eat 3 meals per day, get your cardio in, drink a few 8oz of water a day…

Different appointment, same advice.

And you can imagine how I felt when I DID do these things, up until the next appointment I would have, and still, no long-term improvement.

So, when the regular doctor visits weren’t working out so great, I sought out these other professionals - specialists, where I could have more of their time, but who were way more expensive due to not being covered by insurance.

I would go to these appointments, having to still spend 2-3 sessions with the provider so they could know me more extensively

before really starting a ‘treatment’ plan.

Once I got the plan, I would follow it thoroughly, knowing this time it had to work, it would finally be what I needed.

I would start to feel better; some symptoms went away… that felt exciting.

And then, once again, they came back. I couldn’t understand where I was going wrong.

I already knew, that during the next appointment, I would update them, they would reevaluate me, new supplements and protocols would be assigned, and you can already guess what continued to happen.

This was my reality for way too long.

Next thing I knew, 6 months had gone by, all my symptoms were in full swing, new ones had presented, and I had spent thousands of dollars between the appointments, medications, supplements, and diet.

Now what was I supposed to do?

These appointments, these protocols, had become my whole life. I HAD no life. I had no energy left for anything else, I was completely fatigued.

I was on the brink of canceling the final appointment I had with a new endocrinologist I’d been referred to. I really did not want to go, and everything in me felt I shouldn’t. But I did.

And this, this was the turning point for me. But not for the reasons you might think.

When I walked into this endocrinologist’s clinic room, he said to me, “Wow, you look like you are in great shape - why are you even here?”

It took everything in me to hold back the tears, and to get through the appointment as quick as I could. If he has only known what I had been through up to that point, if he only knew the grief I had within.

I couldn’t do this anymore. I wasn’t going to do this anymore.

That was the moment that made me realize I really had to take healing into my own hands.

As I was trying to figure out what this could look like for me, I noticed something.

My mental health wasn’t doing so hot. This ‘health’ journey had taken its toll on me.

‘Okay, well, I’ll find another talk therapist to start with again, I thought. At least they can help me sort through the feelings from this all. I’ll just go get assessed by a psychiatrist for some medication, and at least I’ll be able to manage one area of my life. I had already done DBT, CBT, EMDR, neurofeedback, etc. before, but I’m sure there is another tool they would have that would help’.

I also made it a goal to dig ‘harder’ into research to find answers for myself, too, outside of a therapist. ‘I’ve got this, I thought. I will find what I am looking for’.

Without being consciously aware of it, here I was, again.

There couldn’t be more of a rock bottom, at least that’s what it felt like.

After thousands of hours of research, of being responsible, of trying to help myself even more, of trying harder, everything was just getting worse.

After sitting in this pain, ruminating, wondering what was supposed to come next, something came to me.

I reflected more on how I had been spending my time in between medical appointments, then eventually therapy appointments…

There was a common theme I realized:

I had been ruminating and obsessing about my health issues for so long. My physical and mental health was all I was ever thinking about. At this point I was deep in self-pity and shame. I was taking my perfectionist tendencies into my healing. I was trying to ‘heal’ perfectly. I was on a mission to ‘fix’ myself and do it on a timeline.

I wasn’t being honest with myself with how I was really feeling - I was abandoning myself, over and over.

I was showing up in the world just to please everyone else.

How I was presenting in my day to day, being the ‘good girl’ and doing what I was told by following direction, taking my medications, eating healthy foods, working out regularly, talking to a therapist…

It wasn’t honest. It was fueled by fear and shame. Guilt. Not genuine love for my mind and body.

I had indirectly… subconsciously… been telling my body… that I wasn’t okay.

‘Yeah, Christie, but the body can’t hear you…’

Yes, yes it can. How we show up to our healing, how we carry out our day to day lives, how we are internally talking to ourselves…

I was piling stress onto myself by trying so hard to keep a positive attitude, I was spending hours obsessively researching my symptoms, all of my energy and focus was going towards hyper focusing on what was wrong with me, my flaws… and this left no room for the action component of what I was learning. I wasn’t only not implementing the knowledge, I was shaming myself, telling myself I’m not good enough as I am - I really did myself dirty.

‘But what do you mean? Weren’t you just telling me above that you were actively making appointments, going to them, and following the regimes? Isn’t that taking action? Isn’t that taking care of yourself?’

Yes… But no.

Was I doing what I was told on the ‘in-between’ days before my next appointment? Yes. Was I checking off the boxes? Yes.

But what I wasn’t doing was being gentle to myself. Being kind to myself. I was shaming myself. ‘How could I be experiencing all of that, after all I’ve done to combat it?? Why am I so broken? Why was I given this body? Why can’t I just heal already?

THESE WERE THE ONLY STORYLINES I KNEW!

When talking to other people, I would play it off like this wasn’t going on in my life, that it was no big deal. I kept sacrificing and showing up for everyone but me. I wouldn’t say no to things that were harming me. I gave and gave and gave until I had nothing left in my cup. How can I feed into me if there is nothing there? We can’t!

I knew I needed help, but I didn’t know how to ask for it, and I didn’t even know what to ask for. Needs? What were those? I knew I needed to show up for people, I knew I needed to be the best person I could be in this world, I knew my heart was in the right place…

But what I didn’t know, was that I was allowed to have needs, too. And this hurt, let me tell you. You mean after years of deflecting and avoiding myself and learning to shut down my needs from a very young age, that this is what was contributing to my health problems? Yeah right…

Give give give. Sacrifice. Serve. Perfectionist.

Um, what?

What if I told you that you can change this language, too?

What if I told you that you can heal without spending all of your free time trying to find answers?

What if I told you that what is going to help you, is the way you treat yourself?

Now, I joke that developing chronic illness was the best thing that could have happened to me.

But hear me when I say this all again…

I have read hundreds of books, researched for thousands of hours, spent lots of money on doctors, spent all my free time trying to understand what was going on with me, waiting and waiting for the next doctor visit before feeling like I could proceed forward with healing, spending that time subconsciously doing myself more harm than good, shaming and blaming myself.

I I’ve worked personally with patients in social services, I’ve worked with patients in a mental health and addiction rehabilitation settings, I’ve worked with patients the ER/ OBGYN/ ICU at hospitals… I saw and witnessed firsthand how many people tried and tried and tried to get help for themselves… I knew the steps it took to ‘get better’ and ‘get off the hamster wheel’. But I couldn’t do it for myself.

And yet, I was only continuing to go downhill. I wasn’t improving.

I had found the ‘answers’. I had found information from the hours and hours of research, and yet, I still couldn’t fix myself. I was really, really struggling. There was just too much to do, all of the time. Okay, so I had the answers, then what? Well, I began to implement some of what I had found, but that then became overwhelming. How was I supposed to change so much all at one? “There isn’t enough time in life, my to do list is out the wazoo…”

I didn’t have any more energy to give. I didn’t have any more time to keep spending on appointments or waiting for them – this had become my whole life.

I knew I wanted to be better, deep down I felt there was something else out there, some other answer maybe I hadn’t ‘found’, or hadn’t ‘tried’ yet.

Heck, I even got my Bachelors degree in Cognitive Neuroscience Psychology to learn about the mind, brain, and behavior, thinking I would find it there.

But again, I had lots of information, just not information that would finally make things click.

I was willing to do the work, I was willing to do what it would take to get better, more than I already had. I was willing to look in places I hadn’t looked before.

But I knew I felt defeated. I didn’t have it in me anymore to keep pushing.

How much more could I try before I couldn’t do anymore? Before exhaustion and burnout completely took hold?

Then, it came out of nowhere, when I wasn’t looking.

I was so skeptical, I actually felt dismissed, unheard, even angry. After all the time, money and effort I had spent trying to find out answers for my health, for my issues…

There it was. I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t believe it. Until, I did.

Now, there is no going back. I don’t look at my healing and my health the same way anymore. Due to stumbling upon the missing puzzle piece, I am now, genuinely, really…healing.

As a behavioral + holistic health guide and educator, I knew that once I had this ‘ah-ha’ moment, it would still require some effort on my part. I didn’t know what that effort would be at the time, but I knew I had some unlearning and relearning to do.

Despite the information I had learned before being very helpful, I had to complete rewrite the script…MY script.

Now I get to help women like YOU do the same! So hopefully you don’t have to spend as many years, funds, and efforts like I did.

 As a military spouse, I feel like if I can help myself with my chronic health and autoimmune conditions with the amount of stress, exhaustion, chaos and confusion this lifestyle can bring, I can help other milspouses, too.

I have figured out how to heal myself no matter where in the world I live, no matter who I am around, no matter what is going on around me. I have found the solution that doesn’t require the same amount of time, effort or money that you have been spending searching for your own answers.

I truly believe that healing the very root cause of our health conditions is the magic for everything else to fall into place. Healing what is causing all of the other symptoms is what will allow your health to fully blossom.